is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
