So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Blood and glitter go together right?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
