is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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