Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
