Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
