I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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