Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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