Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
