Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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