i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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