went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
