she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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