a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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