went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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