I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
