he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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