How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
third nipple confirmed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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