I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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