There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
