I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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