seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
