you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
