is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize