Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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