Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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