omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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