I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
