Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
