WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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