Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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