Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.