I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment