I accidentally had phone sex last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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