I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
