I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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