did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
