fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
