I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
