You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
