I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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