if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
