you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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