I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
