I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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