I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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