Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the day after is always just damage control
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
