I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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