some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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