Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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