people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
