she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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