So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
