Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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