I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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