My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
wow bdsm is so cute
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
