Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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